the blog

These are Shawn's writings. They are real, they are raw, they are fresh. These writings are the rawest part of himself, his struggles with God, his struggles with himself, his fears, doubts, hopes, dreams, and everything else he's facing. They are posted as the latest entry first, so for the best understanding, start with his earliest post.

Whatever It Takes

Posted by [email protected] on August 20, 2017 at 1:55 PM

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The first time I walking into my public defender???s office 9 years ago, he told me that I was a good guy, but a horrible criminal. I took that as a compliment but at the same time, it didn???t sound like a good defense. He saw in my file that when the detectives showed up on my doorstep, it didn???t take 5 minutes for them to have a FULL confession. According to my attorney, I said too much. He probably would have dropped me on the spot if he knew that the only reason the police even came t... Read Full Post »

Move! Believe! Act!

Posted by [email protected] on August 15, 2017 at 6:25 PM

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“And it shall come to pass afterward
That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
Your old men shall dream dreams,
Your young men shall see visions.
And also on My menservants and on My maidservants
I will pour out My Spirit in those days.
“And I will show wonders in the heavens and in the earth:
Blood and fire and pillars of smoke.
The sun shall be turned into ...

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On the Bed's Edge

Posted by [email protected] on August 13, 2017 at 6:25 PM

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I came to a revelation while in prayer this week. It was 10 years ago this month that I set on the edge of my bed, in a room I loved, living in a house I loved, surrounded by people I loved, in a job I loved, in a city I loved and told God with the most sincere heart, to please do WHATEVER IT TAKES to free me from self; to rid me of all my secret sins, struggles and addictions. And the Lord heard that prayer and saw my heart and hasn’t stopped answering for 10 years! I...

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I'm Bragging

Posted by [email protected] on June 18, 2017 at 7:30 PM

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They say that we relate our relationship with our Heavenly Father by the one we have with our earthly father. In other words, however we see ‘dad,’ we also see God. For example, if dad is caring, loving and patient, that’s how we see God is towards us. But, if our Father was absent, or a tyrant and harsh, or even manipulative-well, so goes God in our eyes.

The first thing that went through my head when the judge sentenced me to the maximum 20 years was not, R...

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Tokens

Posted by [email protected] on April 14, 2017 at 7:00 PM

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When I left Dalhart, I thought that I'd sacrificed enough. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But after being gone just a few weeks, I realized that I still had 'tokens' from my relationship. Physical momentoes. Anybody who knows me, knows how sentimental I can be. I literally will save a piece of trash if it means something to me. So, you can imagine I kept a few things in my relationship. Now, if I was mentoring someone who ended or was ending an unhealthy relationship, one o... Read Full Post »

Overwhelmed

Posted by [email protected] on April 8, 2017 at 12:05 AM

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My journal entry from 7-15-15: "I have not written in this thing in over a year and that is about when I gave up; slowly stopped seeking God and reading His Word. I became so lonely and tired, even angry at God. I have given up hope. I made my choice, I am empty, hopeless, alone, tired, dirty, confused and I blame God. What do I do now? What CAN I do now?" My journal entry today (4-8-17): "I'm overwhelmed at the goodness of the God! I left Dalhart as a declaration to the Lord that I am... Read Full Post »

My Tattoo

Posted by [email protected] on March 25, 2017 at 5:15 PM

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I don't have any tattoos, but if I did it would be one of two things-or both as long as we're speaking hypothetically. The first would be the word 'MUNA' lying on a bed of flowers that I assume are native to Hawaii that you see on swim trunks and beach towels every summer! (Hawaiian Hibiscus). I had a dream back in 2013 that I actually had that tattooed on my head. If it weren't for the Hawaiian flowers, we would have never known to research the word 'muna' as a Hawaiian word. It means, 'Ra... Read Full Post »

My Heart is Filled

Posted by [email protected] on February 19, 2017 at 2:35 PM

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Since leaving my last unit and moving to stiles, it has been miserable, but tolerable. I have questioned my decision to leave Dalhart and some days it has been very hard to cope; all the crazy negative differences and the process of letting go. Every day, I have never neglected to seek God or read His Word, and every day was quiet�?�until this week. I�??ve been so desperate and hungry to hear from God�??to know that I still have a purpose and that I�??ve not been totally forgotten! It�??s ve... Read Full Post »

Breaking the hush, again

Posted by [email protected] on January 1, 2017 at 4:30 PM

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It's a new year. A time for second chances, starting over, resolutions and renewals. At least for me. I haven't written anything on here in over 2 years. There's a reason for that, and though it may be painful and embarrassing to talk about, I feel that I need to. First, because this is breaking the hush, right? Secondly, I don't think I want to forget how I feel right now or how I got here. Finally, just maybe, someone will understand... at least one person and they've been there, or are... Read Full Post »

Where Am I?

Posted by [email protected] on February 16, 2014 at 8:35 PM

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To be completely honest, there are several days I ask how I got here. At times, it’s so surreal to think that I am sitting in a Texas prison. The shock and awe wears off after a few months and this just becomes a way of life, but every now and then, if I stop and focus on where I live and actually think of my surroundings, the people I see every day, the lack of freedoms I have, that are taken for granted by those on the outside, it’s kind of dumbfounding. I hear of friends of ...

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