breaking the hush

I was sharing my story with a guy in county last month and he with me. We were talking about our addictions, and he told me something that hit home. He said that wanted to quit drugs, but the simple fact that it didn’t end on his terms, scared him that he would go back. It’s like he knew that he would, that there was more to try before quitting! This resounded in my Spirit. Besides the effects of our addictions, I realized that we had something else in common. I know that II Timothy 1:7 tells us that we don’t have a “spirit of fear,” but at the same time, I realize that I am afraid of returning to an addiction that stunted my spiritual growth and put me where I am today. My thought process is not far from my friend’s. I am afraid. Why? Because honestly, sometimes I wonder how those sites I used to view have progressed? In the years I have not viewed them, what’s new? This is me being real with you! I’m hoping that by sharing this, it breaks something in me; as well as showing you how real addiction can be, no matter what you have been through. I know that God is in the miracle working business, but unfortunately recovering from my addiction has always been progressive and never instantaneous!

Several of you probably don’t get it and probably never will. In fact, unless you have struggled with you own addiction or studied enough behavioral psychology; you may never get it, but believe me when I say that it’s not as easy as “just quit.” It’s not just a bad habit like biting your nails—it’s an ADDICTION! For addicts, even though they may be concerned about how the addiction is/can/will affect their friends/family/life, they can’t “just quit!”

I think Paul puts it best--“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And of I do what I do not want to do, I agree the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing” Romans 7:15-19.

There is hope, but only if there is a will to sacrifice. As an addict, I must be willing and capable of murder. I MUST kill my flesh. All of it! God give me strength!

Breaking the Hush,

Shawn