breaking the hush

To be honest, I’ve waited a little while to write this blog because I really do want the purpose of this site to be what it says on the mission statement page, and not to bash or discredit any person or institution. For this reason, I have waited to ensure my motives not to be selfish.

As most of you reading this know, taboos are kind of my pet peeve-especially in the church. This definitely comes from my own personal struggle with homosexuality and pornography and not feeling I could get help from anyone for fear of being lynched. Well, after what I like to call my “Great Fall,” I have come to a realization that there are so many good people and great Christians out there that actually follow the steps of Christ and love and help restore with gentleness, knowing the mercy of God because they have been shown that mercy. But I also came to realize that there are still those that at the mention of a sin are ready to crucify. It seems to be the ‘Christians’ or ‘church’ that live up to the worlds expectations of hypocrisy. Not all or even most that I have personally dealt with, but I can tell you that so far only ‘Christians’ have been there to cast the first stones. At the same time, it all seems to be due to these pesky taboos—from being kicked out of my parent’s home (a parsonage owned by a ‘denominational institution’ who preach God’s love, mercy, correction, and restoration) to being ‘asked’ not to minister with such freedom’ after sitting under a pastor, who knew full well of my ‘Great Fall,’ for two years; to be in any leadership while healing from my actions, but was practically asked every weekend to step up-until a family who left my father’s church, joined mine, and apparently had a problem with my “freedom.”

I was told several weeks ago that my sister, whom is looking for a job, was told of a position open at the Christian university that she and I, as well as my entire immediate family, graduated from. She applied and later received a general email, that all rejected candidates receive, telling her that the position was filled. Later, she was told of another position available at the university, of which I couldn’t share my taboos for fear of death by rock, she applied and later received a personal email from an administrator at the school (of whom I worked closely with as President of the Student Body) letting her know that she was not selected for the position and to please stop applying for any other positions at the university because she will not be accepted for those either, due to her ‘last name,’ which happens to be the same as none other than yours truly! We did find out that when she applied to attend this same university a few months later for her second masters degree, they would happily allow it, aka-take her money.

I guess my point in sharing this is that it is still there and we need to examine ourselves. We need to be like the woman who fell at Jesus feet pouring her best—weeping and washing His feet with her hair. Why did she do this? Because of the incredible forgiveness that she experienced. There was so much forgiveness, so she had much love to show. I’m sure if anyone came to this woman with any sin, struggle, addiction, or problem the last thing she would be thinking about is politics or risk management, but of how much her Lord loved her to forgive her of so much and begin to point to Him in her words and actions.

If it’s this easy for churches and Christian institutions to reject a man and his family (who have invested time, love, loyalty, faith, and money into them) because of one public sin that happened four years ago, and forget the good then how can they even begin to accept and forgive someone who doesn’t know the Lord and full of their taboos? Who remembers David and Bathsheba without remembering that he was a man after God’s own heart?

Please, if I have offended you, forgive me. Know that this university changed my life for the better and everyone connected to it. Know that I love this pastor and his wife, whom I sat under and know that one districts decision doesn’t reflect the entire institution and was possibly due to risk management only. At the same time, PLEASE , church—listen to the Spirit of God. You are representing Christ Himself and remember that part of the ministry of Christ was to fight the enemy and expose him. We only help his purpose when giving in to politics and taboos. Please help me Break the Hush!

**To one of the strongest women I know! You are solid and a powerhouse. You are an example to your daughters and to those you mentor. Thank you for showing me a spiritual balance and always being very real with me. Most importantly, thank you for your unshakable love and acceptance. I could not have done this without you! I love you and miss you!
Happy Gift Day, Shanell Lynette Quinney-Deats