breaking the hush

It’s kind of hard to share what the Lord has been doing in my heart! I just know it’s about repentance—a walk of continual repentance. Not because I am deliberately sinning every day or even sinning at all, but it’s just because I desire so much more of God and His Spirit. I know that it is impossible to actually sit at His feet or look on His face because of my flesh. I know that this flesh keeps me from Him and of course sin separates me even further. So, in my spiritual walk I am realizing the full glory of God, until I have my own glorified body. I can get as close as possible by everyday eliminating, getting rid of, or staying away from the one element that keeps me from getting closer—SIN!

Several years ago my mentor asked me why I didn’t want to look at pornography, and I think my answer had something to do with how it is ‘wrong,’ disappointing my family, being an example, etc. I remember him telling me that none of those answers would keep it from happening. Where I was in my walk, I knew that sin was bad and made God sad, which is what I didn’t want, but ‘hello!’ I was an addict! My addiction was more important to me than my Christian walk, but now, when I think of my physical freedom and the opportunity arising to dabble with an addiction that use to have me bound, hands, feet, neck and heart, I can not bring myself to even imagine the rift that would cause between me and God. It’s not even just pornography, it can be having selfishness or pride in my life, or even hesitating when God tells me to do something. It’s no longer about whatever standard or about being a good example. It’s simply about separation from a good, perfect, and holy God. Something about often “tasting the heavenly gift” and “sharing in the Holy Spirit” I cannot bring my self to depart and because of this, I choose to WALK IN REPENTANCE!