breaking the hush

I don't really know what to feel, how to feel. if to feel!  I don't have an appetite, I want to sleep but I can't, I don't want to think but that's all that is happening.  I don't want to question God, but just trust Him - I can't dwell on "what if's" or regrets.  I can only look forward - move forward. 

Move forward in a world so unknown to me.  I'm a foreigner, alien...Hope?  Faith?  Are you there?  What is this?  Despair?  Depression?  Shock?  How do I do it?  The unknown?  How will I do it?  Who am I?  What am I?  How did I get here? 

Lord, show me your promises because I can't see them.  I mean, I know they are there, but it seems like such a distance.  So far away.  What is for today?  Who is for today?  All of this for souls?  What else?  What's left?  When does the reward come?  Does suffering stop?  Ever?  Forever...a long time...this life is short.  Our lives are short!  God, how much time do I have?  How much time do they have?  Souls?  What do I do?  What can I do?  Did it have to be this?  When will I touch again?  Feel physical love?  Who will love me?  How can they love me? 

Shawn

*This blog was written right after Shawn recieved his 20 year sentence*